The best way to prevent yourself from losing control is to understand what sets you off and to recognize when you begin to lose control. This is a critical skill for parents to have. Fortunately, it’s a skill that parents can learn. When you try to manage your child’s behavior instead of your anxiety, what you’re saying is, ‘I’m out of control. I need you to change so that I can feel better. Here’s a secret: when you get yourself under control, your kids will also usually calm down. Remember, calm is contagious-and so is anxiety. It’s been proven that a parent’s anxiety about their child contributes significantly to the anxiety of their child. Think of it this way: if you can’t get calm and in control then you’re creating the exact atmosphere you’re trying to avoid. Let’s say you’re teaching your child how to ride a bike. Your child is not getting it and is being whiny and cranky and talks back to you.

Your emotions are a combination of frustrated, annoyed, angry, and disappointed. You somehow feel responsible to teach him how to ride this bike, and he just won’t cooperate. Then you yell at your child, and your child continues to struggle. Then it gets worse because he’s so anxious that he can’t concentrate. He’s feeling pushed to do something and he reacts to it by failing.

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